my best Self & being a rotten meditator
Dear Tina,
How are you? I am slowly finding my way back to a routine. Yesterday morning I picked a book off my bookshelf by SARK called, "Change Your Life Without Getting out of Bed." I like this idea. Within the first few pages she wrote about her friend Rebecca Latimer, author of "You're Not Old Until You are Ninety" who said to her,
"I'm a rotten meditator but I do it anyway, and it still works."
This cracked me up because I feel the same way. I have gone back to getting up early and meditating in the morning. I don't necessarily think I am good at it but I enjoy doing a body scan to see where I am holding tension and relaxing into myself. Maisy O usually curls up next to me and Teege sits on the end of the bed which is curious to me. Maybe they are drawn to the same sense of calm I am or perhaps they just like Oprah & Deepak's soothing voice.
"Meditation is a way to let the noise settle and see what's inside."
~Russell Simmons
I have enjoyed going back to the 21 day Meditations. (FYI Have you signed up for the new one? It starts Nov. 3rd and is about The Energy of Attraction). These meditations give me something to reflect on for the day which I write about in my journal. Even though I am repeating some of the meditations from the previous series my writing is different because I am different.
I rarely go back and read my old journals but feel like maybe right now I want to. I know there are many lessons in them and maybe now is the time to see what they are and what patterns I am repeating so I can learn and grow from them. Writing, being in nature and meditation have become such a strong part of my creative process. I learn so much through writing especially and when I get overwhelmed (like the past two weeks) I avoid it, not wanting to face myself in a way. The truth is some kind of magic happens when I do any of these three things. A thought or an idea will come to me that bears significance.
This happened while creating the piece inspired by my brother. I wanted to add color to this piece and had a flash of remembering the gouache that lay sitting untouched in a drawer that I had never used. I decided to experiment with different color combinations in my journal.
I enlarged the writing onto watercolor paper and used painted papers to collage around the edges. The sheet music represents the love of music my brother and I shared.
This is how turned out. It will be a reminder to me each day to live this way. The process of creating art during a sad time is helping me heal. I didn't know it at the time but I think I wrote that last letter for myself. It took me three days to write it as I processed my thoughts. I know it sounds silly but I actually have gone back to read it, finding comfort in my blessings. I believe there are larger forces guiding me and I wish to remain open, listening....trusting.... moving forward in an authentic, meaningful way. I am still processing my thoughts and have some other work I will share with you in another letter and on my instagram page.
xo
