I have thought a lot about our collaborative work in the last few days. Questions emerged from this thought regarding what this new format means to us as artists. How can we go deeper into our own understanding of the work? I have resolved, it will come from our continuous reflection of the work and the moments of introspection in between our exchange.
Being somewhat lax in the writing department has given me an opportunity to ask myself why I have been. As you know, I am not usually at a loss for words. I have no problem spending hours on the phone with you talking about our work, so why the hesitation? My first inclination was to simply blame it on the lack of time, or the fact I struggle with writing. Only when I went deeper was I able to identify my fear of the unknown audience. I became gravely aware of my ego, which does a good job of comparing myself to others. What I should have been doing is appreciating the wonderful things that propel our work and make it stimulating and unique. I believe the candid, authentic thought we share, combined with observation, practice, inquiry and our dedication to the process of creating are at the root of our work. Now that I am conscious of this, I can do my best to push my inner critics aside.
I have learned without the time to reflect (and this goes for all areas of my life) my thoughts scatter in the wind like the dandelion seeds on my lawn, forever dispersed. Writing forces me to clarify my thoughts and really say what I mean. It is not that I don’t do this normally, it is just that making my thoughts public holds me accountable in a different way than the easy going conversation we share. Who am I writing for anyway? The conclusion I have come to is, I am writing for the same reason we work on our collaboration and why we feel the need to create. It is to go deeper, to stretch and reach places within ourselves we may not have known otherwise. Writing for this blog is also a place to share our wonderful friendship and document our evolution as artists, writers and thinkers. There will always be people who won’t appreciate our perspective, our art or both and we need to remember those opinions are not why we create. I am going to take responsibility for my own happiness, just like you mentioned in your last entry. Sending you cheery thoughts for a spectacular long weekend! …L